The opposite of bravery is not cowardice but conformity.
Robert Anthony
It is early in the morning and I cannot sleep. A discussion I had with Carl this evening keeps racing through my mind. I am filled with love and compassion and pride when I think about Carl. I know it might sound corny to many, but I really admire him so much.
He said to me last night, "I want to tell my story, my way." You may be thinking, "Don't we all?" But because I know Carl and because I know what limitations have been placed upon telling his story his way, I knew that he meant more than the simple desire to make sense of one's own life.
I'm not sure how many entries in this blog it will take me and I'm not even sure I will do it justice, but Carl has told me his story(ies) many times and now I want to commit some of it to this venue.
Carl's story began in Cinncinati where his North Carolinian parents moved after school to start a life and a family. Things were good there for a while. When Carl talks about his family he often talks about the time in Cinncinati as the last time his family really was a loving place. By the time he was 4 years old, his father's failures and his mother's illnesses changed the tenor and tone of the remainder of his family life. It was when he was four years old that the family returned to North Carolina.
There are many ways to tell a biography. Psychoanalysts and Freudians want us to believe that our stories are determined (and they mean determined) by our families of origins. I do not believe that. I believe in choice. Unfortunately, I believe other people have choice as well and their choices limit my choices.
Carl's parents made some very bad choices. It is not my place to outline them all in this kind of forum. What I will say is that it does not matter to me why they did what they did. It is customary in this society, at this point when discussing parenthood, to examine a number of "reasons" for parental bad choices. None of these reasons mitigate the damage caused by such choices to young children. Only the bravest and strongest of children survive such parental choice because children have so little power and influence.
There are times when Carl tries on this narrative and tries to make sense of his life according to it. But Carl was one of the brave, strong kids who survived these choices. His survival does not mean that they were not guilty of such sins. They actively tried to ruin his life and their choices created arbitrary and unnecessary barriers that he had to brave in order to be the person he is today. Better choices on their part would have made his life easier. But it is my belief that they were not successful in permanetly damaging his life or limiting his chances. He has overcome.
One of the reasons I don't buy the Freudian myths is that there are many other choices made by people other than parents that can impact one's life (both good and bad). Another way to describe a life lived is to discuss educational accomplishments. Ask most people who they are and what you will get is a resume filled with references regarding education and job experience.
Carl is a highly educated man. No doubt much of his life could be described by reciting that education. But there is also no doubt that such a rendition would not account for the depth or richness of that knowledge. In addition, Carl's desire to learn often conflicted with the manifest function of education as conformity.
One of the things I admire the most about Carl is that he has steadfastly refused to conform for the sake of conformity. Schools (both the institutions and the faculties) have not been the source of much of Carl's education. He has often learned in spite of the education he was supposedly receiving.
Unlike most people, Carl's educational activities have continued long after he finished his masters degree from one the top 20 business schools in the country. He spends at least one day a week at the library studying math or Spanish or epistomology or whatever is coming across his path this week.
Carl is a great believer in public libraries and he probably uses his libraries more thoroughly than most Americans. His education, though, goes way beyond simply picking up books and reading. He has an uncanny ability to see behind what he encounters.
There are several components to thinking according to many learning theorists. My favorite taxonomy is analytical, synthesis, intuitive, and lateral. The first pulls things apart, the second put things together, the third springs to mind in a leap and the final one occurs from the ability to move outside the given box. When Carl takes on a project, all of these components of thought are engaged. He sees clearly the implications of what he is reading, puts them together with other experiences, makes leaps of understanding and finds ways to take what he experiences and learns and move in unprecedented directions. This makes him unpredictable and facsinating to watch. I learn from his learning.
So limiting a discussion of Carl's life to a description of educational accomplishments as if formal schooling and degrees could begin to capture Carl as life long learner is shallow indeed. We are so much more than our transcripts and resumes. No one proves that more than Carl.
(Stay tuned for part two -- coming soon on One Who Dares, the blog of Carl Wilkerson.)
No comments:
Post a Comment