Anyone who happens along this blog may wonder why every once in a while I come over here and write about my husband. It is my gift to him. So often couples let their private talk remain private, believing that any gushing about the other will be regarded as simply blind love. I happen to think that doesn't make any sense at all.
Who better than a spouse to tell the world about how wonderful you are?
Carl does this about me every chance he gets. With my earning my degree and with the publication of our first book, which is a memoir about my life, he's had an inordinate amount of chances lately. He is an incredible promotional machine for me.
I try to reciprocate, but I'm not as good at such things. I often miss opportunities because I'm not as quick on the draw as he is. Thus, the blog -- a place where I can reflect upon him in public without having to think on my feet.
Well, I've had an incredible week in which a number of opportunities have presented themselves all at once. I want to declare to the world, right here and right now that Carl's wisdom, guidance and support have made these opportunities possible.
First, I would not have gone back to school and got the PhD without his encouragement and support. This was especially true after becoming sick because he took on the role of caregiver as well as spouse and that is a thankless job, especially for a man. When someone in a family gets sick and woman takes care of that someone, most people at least remember that she must be under stress. Most people forget that a man who is a caregiver has to do just as much work and sacrifice just as much of their lives (if not more because social support doesn't exist) in order to care for that loved one. I know Carl doesn't make a big deal about this much because he has given freely, but he has been my rock and he has done more for me than any other human being on earth.
Most of all, he has been there when the times are not pretty. It's never fun to watch someone you love not be able to breath or talk. It's never fun to clean up after another human being. It's never fun to watch someone you care about not have enough strength to move. It's never fun to have to carry everything and remember everything, every day because your partner is too weak or too forgetful to be part of the team. And this is just the surface of what it means to live and love someone with a chronic illness.
Second, Carl regularly pushes me out of my comfort zone. Due to his creativity and talent, I have found myself increasingly in the public eye. I have always been outgoing, but I have never been someone who is comfortable with attention. But as I have given two radio interviews this week alone and I am beginning to have public speaking engagements, I am appreciating the extent to which Carl pushed me several years ago to go beyond that comfort zone.
Sometimes it is easier to see where the river has been than where it is going. I can see now that many of the things Carl has done with me and for me in the past few years are paying off right now.
Finally, Carl's contribution to Taking Up Space was key to the completion of that book. It was key because Carl's thinking helped keep my thinking on track. It was key because to do a sociological memoir you really need another person to dialogue, to capture the socialness of the process. It was key because Carl has lived through so much of what I have lived through. Stigma hurts the stigmatized and those who love them.
A lot of wonderful things are happening this week, and probably for the weeks to come. None of these wonderful things would have happened without my Carl.
Thank you, my love.
