Christmas of 1990 was one of the weirdest I've ever spent. I won't go into the details, but suffice it to say, I took a strange job in Birmingham with a wacked out photographer for no money and lasted one week before I ran screaming back to Atlanta where I had only moved in with a friend just one week before.
Lynne had invited me to come to Atlanta to live and I had done so because Clearwater was full of bad memories. I was looking for a fresh start. I had joked that I was going to Atlanta to fall in love with a guitar player. But in truth, I wanted to find a better footing the world. I had made a series of bad decisions and I was beginning to pay the toll.
Lynne and I decided that we would look for an apartment to share closer to town. I needed a job and had about $60 to my name and all my worldly posessions packed neatly into a 1979 Dodge Aspen (with some stuff in storage in Clearwater).
Lynne decided that she would invite this guy she knew to join us on our apartment search, stating, "You have to meet him -- you and Carl are the two smartest people I know."
She had me talk to Carl on the phone the day before after inviting him to come with us. My first impression was that he was grumpy. My second impression 15 years ago today, was that he was cute but a little conservative for my tastes. After all, he was a student at Emory Business School and he looked like a prep school, up and coming youngster.
First impressions are not always the best impressions.
In the fifteen years since that day, I have discovered a complex and sensitive life partner who still after all this time surprises and amazes me.
I went to Atlanta to find my life and I'm happy to say that 15 years ago today, I now know I did.
Friday, December 30, 2005
Tuesday, October 18, 2005
Creative Coupling
Tish wrote a beautiful piece about dreams and relationships a few days ago. Reading it this morning reminded me about how fortunate I am to have a creative partner who is also a romantic partner.
Two creative minds living in the same household (especially in an RV like we did last year with my brother) can mean a lot of tension. We are willful people. That is a good thing. That is a bad thing. (As most things are.)
But creating something together is an incredible experience.
We have not been fortunate enough to create a baby together. Health, time, life got in the way of that potential endeavor and, well, the moment has passed.
But every project we have done together -- radio, video, writing, web -- has the feel of parenting something special.
But it is not just the act of pro-creation that makes it satisfying. There is a romantic element to such collaborations. It can be a powerful aphrodisiac.
We were married 13 years ago this month (October 10). We have known each other 15 years on December 31 and will have been living together 15 years on May 1, 2006. That is a long time in this day and age. I believe that the most key element to our collaboration in love is our collaboration in creativity. It is a creative tension, but it is also creative growth.
For that reason, I can say that I am more in love with Carl today than I was 13 years ago.
Two creative minds living in the same household (especially in an RV like we did last year with my brother) can mean a lot of tension. We are willful people. That is a good thing. That is a bad thing. (As most things are.)
But creating something together is an incredible experience.
We have not been fortunate enough to create a baby together. Health, time, life got in the way of that potential endeavor and, well, the moment has passed.
But every project we have done together -- radio, video, writing, web -- has the feel of parenting something special.
But it is not just the act of pro-creation that makes it satisfying. There is a romantic element to such collaborations. It can be a powerful aphrodisiac.
We were married 13 years ago this month (October 10). We have known each other 15 years on December 31 and will have been living together 15 years on May 1, 2006. That is a long time in this day and age. I believe that the most key element to our collaboration in love is our collaboration in creativity. It is a creative tension, but it is also creative growth.
For that reason, I can say that I am more in love with Carl today than I was 13 years ago.
Wednesday, September 28, 2005
My Life Worthwhile
Anyone who happens along this blog may wonder why every once in a while I come over here and write about my husband. It is my gift to him. So often couples let their private talk remain private, believing that any gushing about the other will be regarded as simply blind love. I happen to think that doesn't make any sense at all.
Who better than a spouse to tell the world about how wonderful you are?
Carl does this about me every chance he gets. With my earning my degree and with the publication of our first book, which is a memoir about my life, he's had an inordinate amount of chances lately. He is an incredible promotional machine for me.
I try to reciprocate, but I'm not as good at such things. I often miss opportunities because I'm not as quick on the draw as he is. Thus, the blog -- a place where I can reflect upon him in public without having to think on my feet.
Well, I've had an incredible week in which a number of opportunities have presented themselves all at once. I want to declare to the world, right here and right now that Carl's wisdom, guidance and support have made these opportunities possible.
First, I would not have gone back to school and got the PhD without his encouragement and support. This was especially true after becoming sick because he took on the role of caregiver as well as spouse and that is a thankless job, especially for a man. When someone in a family gets sick and woman takes care of that someone, most people at least remember that she must be under stress. Most people forget that a man who is a caregiver has to do just as much work and sacrifice just as much of their lives (if not more because social support doesn't exist) in order to care for that loved one. I know Carl doesn't make a big deal about this much because he has given freely, but he has been my rock and he has done more for me than any other human being on earth.
Most of all, he has been there when the times are not pretty. It's never fun to watch someone you love not be able to breath or talk. It's never fun to clean up after another human being. It's never fun to watch someone you care about not have enough strength to move. It's never fun to have to carry everything and remember everything, every day because your partner is too weak or too forgetful to be part of the team. And this is just the surface of what it means to live and love someone with a chronic illness.
Second, Carl regularly pushes me out of my comfort zone. Due to his creativity and talent, I have found myself increasingly in the public eye. I have always been outgoing, but I have never been someone who is comfortable with attention. But as I have given two radio interviews this week alone and I am beginning to have public speaking engagements, I am appreciating the extent to which Carl pushed me several years ago to go beyond that comfort zone.
Sometimes it is easier to see where the river has been than where it is going. I can see now that many of the things Carl has done with me and for me in the past few years are paying off right now.
Finally, Carl's contribution to Taking Up Space was key to the completion of that book. It was key because Carl's thinking helped keep my thinking on track. It was key because to do a sociological memoir you really need another person to dialogue, to capture the socialness of the process. It was key because Carl has lived through so much of what I have lived through. Stigma hurts the stigmatized and those who love them.
A lot of wonderful things are happening this week, and probably for the weeks to come. None of these wonderful things would have happened without my Carl.
Thank you, my love.
Who better than a spouse to tell the world about how wonderful you are?
Carl does this about me every chance he gets. With my earning my degree and with the publication of our first book, which is a memoir about my life, he's had an inordinate amount of chances lately. He is an incredible promotional machine for me.
I try to reciprocate, but I'm not as good at such things. I often miss opportunities because I'm not as quick on the draw as he is. Thus, the blog -- a place where I can reflect upon him in public without having to think on my feet.
Well, I've had an incredible week in which a number of opportunities have presented themselves all at once. I want to declare to the world, right here and right now that Carl's wisdom, guidance and support have made these opportunities possible.
First, I would not have gone back to school and got the PhD without his encouragement and support. This was especially true after becoming sick because he took on the role of caregiver as well as spouse and that is a thankless job, especially for a man. When someone in a family gets sick and woman takes care of that someone, most people at least remember that she must be under stress. Most people forget that a man who is a caregiver has to do just as much work and sacrifice just as much of their lives (if not more because social support doesn't exist) in order to care for that loved one. I know Carl doesn't make a big deal about this much because he has given freely, but he has been my rock and he has done more for me than any other human being on earth.
Most of all, he has been there when the times are not pretty. It's never fun to watch someone you love not be able to breath or talk. It's never fun to clean up after another human being. It's never fun to watch someone you care about not have enough strength to move. It's never fun to have to carry everything and remember everything, every day because your partner is too weak or too forgetful to be part of the team. And this is just the surface of what it means to live and love someone with a chronic illness.
Second, Carl regularly pushes me out of my comfort zone. Due to his creativity and talent, I have found myself increasingly in the public eye. I have always been outgoing, but I have never been someone who is comfortable with attention. But as I have given two radio interviews this week alone and I am beginning to have public speaking engagements, I am appreciating the extent to which Carl pushed me several years ago to go beyond that comfort zone.
Sometimes it is easier to see where the river has been than where it is going. I can see now that many of the things Carl has done with me and for me in the past few years are paying off right now.
Finally, Carl's contribution to Taking Up Space was key to the completion of that book. It was key because Carl's thinking helped keep my thinking on track. It was key because to do a sociological memoir you really need another person to dialogue, to capture the socialness of the process. It was key because Carl has lived through so much of what I have lived through. Stigma hurts the stigmatized and those who love them.
A lot of wonderful things are happening this week, and probably for the weeks to come. None of these wonderful things would have happened without my Carl.
Thank you, my love.
Monday, August 22, 2005
Scorpion
I wear a scorpion pendant in honor of Carl.
The scorpion is one of the most misunderstood animals. He has a reputation for stinging and that reputation comes from the venom that is contained in his sting. When a scorpion decides to defend himself and protect what he honors, the rest of the world knows it.
But the scorpion really doesn't sting that often and it takes a helluvalot to get them to sting. Most of the time the scorpion is going about his business, eating other bugs and doing what makes scorpions happy.
Besides the fact that his birthday is November 21 (sign of scorpio), the scorpion is a great totem animal for Carl. He is a gentle soul who has suffered much in this life and therefore sometimes fights back with a stinger. Those who only see the stinger miss out on the remarkably sensitive and gentle person under the rock.
I am privileged to see that gentle side frequently. For that I'm a most grateful.
The scorpion is one of the most misunderstood animals. He has a reputation for stinging and that reputation comes from the venom that is contained in his sting. When a scorpion decides to defend himself and protect what he honors, the rest of the world knows it.But the scorpion really doesn't sting that often and it takes a helluvalot to get them to sting. Most of the time the scorpion is going about his business, eating other bugs and doing what makes scorpions happy.
Besides the fact that his birthday is November 21 (sign of scorpio), the scorpion is a great totem animal for Carl. He is a gentle soul who has suffered much in this life and therefore sometimes fights back with a stinger. Those who only see the stinger miss out on the remarkably sensitive and gentle person under the rock.
I am privileged to see that gentle side frequently. For that I'm a most grateful.
Friday, August 05, 2005
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